A Sad Milestone

By the end of most nights, I am so tired that I can fall asleep pretty quickly. There’s always that odd night now and then, when there’s too much on my mind and it takes forever to fall asleep. Last night was one of those nights.

Something was troubling me in the back of my mind and I couldn’t figure it out. Had I fed the dogs? Yes. Packed Emily’s lunch for the next day? Yes. Checked that all of the doors of the house were locked? Yes.

The more I thought about it, the more I tossed and turned. I figured that perhaps God was telling me that He thought it was time we had a conversation. So I began to pray.

I got to the part where I prayed for my late brother’s soul, and all at once, it was clear. The feeling that was bothering me was the fact that yesterday, I was the age at which my older brother died. He lived to be 40 years, 2 months, and 26 days old. Yesterday’s date has been imprinted on my mind since the day he passed away. Five and a half years ago, it was looming in the distance: the day I would outlive my older brother.

And so I woke up this morning, not feeling rested at all, as you might guess. But I was alive. And certainly blessed to have this day.

I wish I could say that I made the most of it and really lived it up. But honestly, I treated it as any other day. I did my job at work as an elementary school teacher. I was a good wife and wished my husband well for his day. I was a loving mom who played with and read a couple of books to my precious children. I cleaned my bathroom.Β I paid a couple of bills.

In short, I lived. Maybe that’s all there is to it for most days. So while Tom never got to experience the today of his life, I am so grateful that I had mine. And I pray for so many more todays and tomorrows that will one day become my yesterdays. Life is such an amazing thing, and most of us really don’t grasp how special, fleeting, and absolutely miraculous it is. Even having a bad day is better than having no more days at all.

So now I’m off to do more of the little things of life that sometimes feel so mundane. Things like writing up a grocery list. Taking out the trash and recycling bins to the curb for pick-up tomorrow. Grading a few papers. Replacing the towels in the kitchen with fresh, clean ones. Things of life, because here I am, alive. Before I go to bed, I’ll say my usual prayers, especially one for Tom, and again thank God for giving me another day.

Thanks for stopping by. ❀

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3 thoughts on “A Sad Milestone

  1. You are right about sometimes it’s just appreciating that you had a day. You are doing everything that Tom would have wanted you to keep doing. So, keep cherishing your “normal” days and keep being thankful for more to come. Hugs cousin!

    Liked by 1 person

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